


One Night

by LinaBenliven



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Autistic Keith (Voltron), Chinese Keith (Voltron), Cuban Lance (Voltron), Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Keith & Lance (Voltron) Friendship, Keith (Voltron) Angst, Keith (Voltron) has Suicidal Thoughts, Keith (Voltron) is Bad at Feelings, Keith (Voltron) is a Mess, Keith (Voltron) is pining for Shiro, Kerberos Failure, Kerberos Mission, Lance (Voltron) is good at comfort, One-Sided Attraction, One-Sided Keith/Shiro (Voltron), Pining Keith (Voltron), Platonic Cuddling, Shiro (Voltron) is Missing, Socially Awkward Keith (Voltron), Suicidal Ideation, Suicidal Thoughts, Underage Drinking, loss of a loved one
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-23
Updated: 2018-10-23
Packaged: 2019-07-28 12:34:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,009
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16241720
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LinaBenliven/pseuds/LinaBenliven
Summary: No one Keith knows would punch a Commander when they got news that someone they loved had cause a mission to fail.No one Keith knows would get themselves booted from the Galaxy Garrison for punching an officer.No one Keith knows is more destructive than him.And after all, it only takes one night to fuck up your life.





	One Night

**Author's Note:**

> My piece for the Keith Mini Birthday Bang over on tumblr!  
> My partner for this was @Dani-the-owlet over on tumblr.  
> Title is based on The Summer Set song "One Night" and I feel it's very suited to Keith during this fic.
> 
> Also to anyone that does get triggered by suicidal thoughts, or suicidal idealisation please be careful going into this fic.

The Garrison had to be lying.

There was no way that Shiro would have crashed. He was the best pilot to come from the Galaxy Garrison in decades and they wouldn’t have sent him on such an important mission if they didn’t think he was capable. And even if they had crashed due to a technology failure, he would have thought that the Garrison were lying. They wouldn’t send out a ship that had failed a pre-flight inspection, and he knew that Commander Holt and Matt would have conducted their own inspection before take-off.

_Something else had to have happened for them to crash the way that the Garrison had said they had._

But Keith’s insistence that they were lying had led to several disciplinary warnings over the past week and had finally led to him being excluded from the Galaxy Garrison. That last one had mainly been due to him punching Commander Iverson when he had warned him once again that Shiro wasn’t there to protect him anymore as opposed to him insisting that they were lying, but who really cared about the technicalities. Keith didn’t, and that was simply because he didn’t see the point in caring about the technicalities of his actions.

Shiro was gone and that was the only thing that weighed on his mind right now. Being booted from the Garrison meant nothing to him. If anything, it had just added to the numb feeling he had felt since he had first gotten the news about Shiro. Which was why Keith was stood on the roof of the Galaxy Garrison. He didn’t know how he had managed to get there without any staff members questioning him, but he had managed it, and was now looking out at the sprawling desert that surrounded the Garrison.

He can’t help but walk towards the edge of the roof as he admires the desert. He hadn’t really thought about dying all that much lately, but now that he knew the universe was determined to keep taking his favourite people away from him; he was beginning to think about it again. First his mother, then his dad and now Shiro. There wasn’t anyone left for the universe to take, and yet Keith was certain that it would try to take someone anyway.

He looked down at the rough ground and sighed. He knew that falling from this height wouldn’t kill him. It would more than likely just severely injure him and while that would help him feel something temporary, he would much rather feel again permanently, or never feel again.

_He didn’t want a temporary fix._

He steps up onto the small ledge that was there to stop people doing exactly what Keith had planned, only to wince as he was pulled backwards onto the floor of the roof.

_Who had saved him?_

“What the fuck are you doing?!” Keith recognises that voice almost instantly and he restrains himself from punching the younger cadet who was hugging him. He had already gotten excluded for punching someone, he didn’t need criminal charges on top of that. “Did you come up here to kill yourself? Cause being excluded from here isn’t worth dying over dude.” Keith doesn’t respond to Lance’s questions immediately, he simply sits up, brushes the dust off his clothes, now that Lance had let go of him, and sighs. He didn’t have to deal with his privacy being invaded by Lance any longer after all.

But on the other hand, his former roommate did deserve to know at least some of the truth. Especially after the amount of times that they had helped each other since arriving at the Garrison.

“That wasn’t the plan. Why are you up here and how do you know I was excluded?” He wasn’t technically lying when he told Lance that the plan hadn’t been to kill himself. It never had been. He had come up here to think, it had just led to suicidal thoughts and the need for a permanent fix to his numb feeling. He just wasn’t willing to share that with Lance straight away.

“Iverson bumped me up to fighter class, lectured me about not fucking up like you had and explained that I was getting Hunk as my replacement roommate tomorrow.” Lance sits down next to Keith and reaches over for his bag from where he had discarded it to pull Keith back from the edge. “It really wasn’t that hard to put two and two together. Plus, Iverson has an eyepatch now, so I think you must have done some real damage when you punched him.”

“And here I was thinking that you were bad at math.” He forces himself to smile a little before looking back at the desert skyline. The sun was setting and it looked beautiful, but still it didn’t make him feel anything. _Had he completely lost the ability to feel now?_ Shaking his head free of those thoughts he turned and looked at Lance, watching the younger boy rummage through his bag for something. “Why are you up here though Lance?” He asks, trying to get the topic of conversation away from his decision to punch Iverson in the face. It had been a spur of the moment decision and it was one he very much regretted. If only for the pain pulsing in his knuckles.

“Figured you would want company, and I had that bottle of vodka stashed still. Might as well make your last night here somewhat memorable.” He pulls out the half full bottle of vodka that Keith remembered them starting a few weeks back. It had been when Iverson had initially denied Lance’s request to move to fighter class. “Why were you up here then?”

 _It hadn’t been to kill himself._ Maybe, if Keith kept telling himself that it would be easier to convince Lance that that hadn’t been his plan.

“To feel something.” It wasn’t a lie. That had been his original intention, just the more he thought the more it had led to worse things and he had barely even registered moving to the edge of the building. 

_He still wasn’t really registering that he had done that._

He takes the shot glass Lance offers him and downs it, barely noticing the slight burn at the back of his throat. If he wanted to tell Lance the truth; he was going to need to be a little bit tipsy. “Since Shiro… you know, it’s been hard. Nothing’s felt right.” He tilts his shot glass back towards Lance and watches as he fills it back up.

“You two really were close.” The younger male says it quietly as he downs his own shot. He had really appreciated Keith’s company a few weeks back when they had drunk after Iverson’s refusal to bump him up a class; it was only fair that Lance returned the favour. Keith had told him that he would get his chance to be a fighter pilot eventually and Lance had hoped that he was right.

He just hadn’t wanted to get his chance like this.

“He was there when no one else was Lance. He told me I could get into the Garrison, and that he would help me do it. He didn’t just see the angry kid that Iverson and everyone else sees. He saw me for who I was and the potential that I had.” Keith murmured, the distain for how everyone had treated him over the years plain to anyone’s ears. He hated being known as the angry kid. Or the kid with discipline issues. “He was the first person to ever say that I had potential at something and to encourage it. I owe him a lot.”

He was more than that. Shiro had constantly told him that he was worth so much more than that. But it was hard to remember that when people were constantly telling him that he might as well just flunk out before he was booted out.

And now he had proved them all right.

“He saw the potential in you because you’re not _just_ that angry kid. You’re Keith Zhujin. You’re deadly with a knife, and you don’t take shit from anyone sure. But I’ve also seen you cry at that video of the three-legged kitten trying to walk.” Lance grabs Keith’s shoulders as he talks, not caring that he normally shirked away from any physical contact. It makes Keith jump a little having someone touch him but once he realises that it’s the other man he settles back down.

“It was trying so hard Lance.” His face softens a little as he remembers that kitten and Lance smiles remembering the tears they had both shed watching it. Hunk had shown it to them both as a way to get them talking and neither him or Lance had been expecting Keith to cry at it. If Lance was honest; they had both panicked a little at him crying and had been surprised when Keith laughed at them once he had calmed down. They had been friends ever since.

“I know it was, but that’s my point. If you were just that angry kid you wouldn’t have really cared about that video. Iverson has no clue what he’s talking about if it doesn’t involve flight controls. Ignore his opinion about your personality; I do.” He insists and watches as Keith turns and looks away from him. He had no idea what could make him wear that sad expression.

“I promised Shiro that I’d do my best though.” He murmurs and clenches his fists tight. Would Shiro be disappointed in him if he knew what he had done?

_Probably._

“And you did.” Keith looks at him shocked at those words, half wondering if Lance had even listened to anything that he had been saying.

 _“Lance, I got kicked out.”_ He repeats, just in case it hadn’t been entirely clear to Lance the first time. The brunet could be dense at times after all. Or as Lance put it – he just chose not to listen on occasions.

“Yeah, and you lasted two years without punching an officer in the face. Little victories Keith.” He explains as he pours them both another shot without hesitating. He knew Keith probably needed it and he wasn’t about to let him drink alone. Keith wouldn’t want to share stuff with him if he knew there was a chance that Lance could remember it. “Do you want to talk about Shiro? You seem pretty messed up about him.” He gently presses the issue, trying to see why Keith felt so messed up about Shiro. Half wondering if it was the same conclusion he and Hunk, as well as half of the Garrison, had come to.

_“Lance…”_

“Keith, I came up here and saw you about to kill yourself, I’m not dropping that. You can tell me that you’re fine however many times you want, but I know that it’s a lie. Talk to me about it now, you won’t have to see me after tomorrow anyway, and it’ll probably help you if you get it all out in the open.” Lance keeps his voice firm, knowing that he was going to have to keep pressing the issue in order to get any form of a response from the hot-headed male in front of him.

“He wouldn’t have crashed, he’s too good of a pilot to crash, and Matt and Commander Holt were doing their own inspection before the launch, so it’s not a technology fault.” Keith sits on the edge of the roof as he gestures for another shot. The burn was getting more noticeable, but he knew he couldn’t talk about this sober. He needed the liquid confidence otherwise he would flake out and clam back up. Lance was right; he needed to talk about this to someone and since he wouldn’t see Lance after this – he was the perfect candidate.

“Are you mad because you think Iverson was lying?” Lance wants to hit Keith. He had been expecting a confession or something; not another conspiracy theory. This was like the baby pigeon discussion at three in the morning all over again; something that he had never wanted to relive. Regardless, Lance passes him another shot – hoping that at least it helps Keith loosen up a little.

“I _know_ that he’s lying Lance. They sent the best three people for the job and then told me it was an error on the crew’s part.”  Keith however, is already half way to a conspiracy rant and Lance knows it. He ignores the brunet’s hand with the vodka shot until halfway through his rant and then he downs it in one go. Lance has never been more terrified of him. “It just doesn’t add up.”

“Keith…” Lance tries to keep his voice calm and reassuring. Trying to keep him from spiralling into an angry rant about the Kerberos mission. But one glance at the fire and determination in Keith’s violet eyes and it makes it known to Lance that fighting him on this topic would be pointless.

“I know you think that I’m spouting another conspiracy theory but think about it. Why would they send the best three people on a mission that crashes? They could have sent less qualified people to man the spaceship and have it crash due to an error and I would have believed that lie. But there’s no way the three of them crashed. And then waiting so long to make the announcement public!” Keith stands up as the anger washes back over him. All the unrelenting anger at the garrison building like a white-hot fire in his stomach.

“Shiro never failed a simulation, did he?” Lance’s voice is calm, a startling contrast to Keith’s angry voice. It didn’t matter that Keith was practically shouting, they were on the roof above the classrooms so there was no one to hear the shouting.

“He never failed any of the Kerberos’ ones, no matter how many times he took them.” Keith murmured as he looked at Lance, hoping that he believed him. That he believed that it was odd they were blaming their star pilot.

“That is a bit odd that they’re blaming him then.”

“That’s what I told Iverson! He called me a conspiracy nut and then I punched him.”

“Keith, you are a conspiracy nut.” Lance deadpans and sees Keith pout a little hearing that. He was well aware he was a conspiracy nut, but it didn’t give Iverson the right to call him that. It didn’t really give anyone the right to call him one. “Can you think of any other reason as to why they would say they had crashed?” *

“No, I think something went wrong that was the Garrison’s responsibility and they’re covering it up. I just don’t know why.” Keith sits back down as his voice trails off. He didn’t know why they would be covering it up. He had been thinking about it for a while now and he had still not found a reason that would make complete sense. He just wished they had been honest about the crash from the beginning.

“I believe you.” Lance says as he sits next to Keith, already pouring them both another shot. “It makes sense.” He adds when he sees Keith giving him a doubtful look. He was telling the truth. He really did believe Keith. The only other person he trusted as much as Keith when discussing Shiro had been Matt Holt. Mainly because both of them saw Shiro being a massive dork on an almost daily basis. If anyone knew the man that Takashi Shirogane had been it was them two.

“Thanks Lance.”

“But, I think there’s another reason that you’re so angry that Shiro’s gone. Was there anything you wanted to tell him before he left?” Lance feels bad pressing Keith for more answers, but he had to see if Keith knew what everyone else suspected about his and Shiro’s relationship. Or at least if he knew how obvious it had been to everyone else.

“I… I…” Keith can’t bring himself to meet the brunet’s eyes. He had been too afraid to even think about this, let alone even talk about it to someone. He didn’t want Lance to hate him because of it. Right now, he needed Lance to just understand his feelings because he sure as hell didn’t understand them. “You have to promise that you won’t hate me.”

“I promise I won’t hate you.” Lance doesn’t remind Keith that after tomorrow he won’t see him again. So, even if he did end up hating him it wouldn’t matter. It probably wouldn’t do any good at this point, and Keith didn’t need reminding that he had been kicked out after all. So, Lance stayed quiet for a change and let Keith gather his thoughts.

“I loved him.” Keith finally mumbles after a few minutes of staring down at his hands. “Not the way that everyone always loves their favourite instructor… I really loved him. He was the one person who never gave up on me and he left before I could tell him how much he meant to me…” He doesn’t sound ashamed of the conclusion he had come to, he just seemed embarrassed to admit it. Something that Lance could sympathise with all too well. After all it had been difficult for Lance to admit to Hunk that he had a crush on him.

“I think he knew Keith.” Lance says as he pulls Keith up to stand next to him. They would need to get back to their dorm soon before lights out, otherwise Lance would be at risk of getting kicked out as well.

“What do you mean?”

“My mum, she always used to say that the people we love know we love them before we do. So, maybe Shiro already knew, and even if he didn’t know, you can tell him when he comes back remember.” He smiles at him as he puts the now nearly empty bottle back in his bag. Sure, it was bittersweet advice, and it didn’t really help improve Keith’s situation, especially when Lance had no clue where Keith would even be living now that he was kicked out or if he would even be able to see Shiro once they landed again, but it would definitely help reassure him that not everything was terrible.

“Yeah… yeah I guess I can tell him then.” He looks up at the stars as he spoke, wanting to remember this moment the best he could before he had to return to the desert shack he had once grown up in. It would be the last night for a long while were Keith had the company of a friend and he wanted to hold onto that moment for as long as possible.

“Now let’s get you back into bed for the night.” Lance says as he puts his arm around Keith’s shoulder so that he could gently lead him back to their room. “I’ll get you some painkillers and water to chase off both the hangover and the pain your knuckles must be in from Iverson’s thick skull.” He says with a grin as Keith leans against him slightly. He was surprised that Keith was allowing so much physical contact between them given his track record when people touched him, but Lance wasn’t about to complain.

“You’re the best friend I have Lance.” Keith mumbles as he lets himself be lead down the stairs and back to the student dorms. Sure, he can’t feel the pain in his knuckles right now, but he knew he would be able to in the morning and he would very much like to avoid that. He didn’t need a reminder of his stupid decision to punch Iverson.

“Mmm what about Shiro?” Lance asks as they reach the corridor their room was in. He had never been more thankful that their room was one of the first ones near the stairs to the roof. It made it easier to sneak in and out on the nights that they snuck up onto the roof. Especially when their room was always the last to be checked by the Commanders on a night.

And because it was always the last to be checked, it means that thankfully the pair only just manage to avoid being caught by Commander Montgomery, who was doing the rounds that night, as they slipped into their room.

“He’s not here though.” Keith murmurs as Lance lays him down on the bottom bunk, propping him up slightly against his pillows. “So, you’re the best friend that I have.” He adds as the brunet tucks him under his quilt, watching as Lance crosses to their door to lie and say that Keith had a headache, so they were heading to bed early.

_Not a complete lie._

“I’m flattered that you think that.” Lance says before crossing to their bathroom, putting his bag down on his bunk as he went. He didn’t mind taking care of Keith like this. He really didn’t. It was rare to see the stoic loner open up the way that he had on the roof and Lance didn’t want him to think that by opening up the way he had meant that the brunet would ridicule him the way that say James would have.

They were friends after all and the feelings the Keith had for Shiro was definitely a topic that Lance wasn’t going to joke about. Especially not when Keith seemed to only just be coming to terms with those feelings himself. If Lance judged him or teased him for those feelings, there was a very real chance that he would start to repress his feelings rather than acting on them. And that was definitely something he wanted to avoid. Keith already repressed enough emotions without Lance giving him a reason to do it some more.

“Hey Lance?” Keith calls as he shifts to look at his knuckles. They were already starting to bruise, his pale skin blossoming with purple bruises and dried blood. Maybe he had hit Iverson a bit too hard, he had shattered his eye socket after all.

It was probably a good thing that he couldn’t feel it. It looked painful.

“Yeah?” Lance calls back, watching Keith inspect his knuckles before he rummaged through their cabinet for a cup. They had to have one that was clean in there.

“We got any bandages in there?” He makes sure to speak a little louder when he hears the tap running in the bathroom. He knew that sometimes they struggled to hear each other over the tap and he doesn’t want Lance having to make several trips to the bathroom to keep looking after him. It would be much more efficient if he could do it all in one trip.

“Yeah, I’ll bandage up your hand while you drink.” Keith hears the cabinet shut and then the tap shut off as Lance talks and looks up from his knuckles as the brunet kneels next to him. The cup of water and blister pack of painkillers on the floor next to him. “Give me your hand then Keith.” He says with a slight teasing tone. They had done this song and dance before and neither of them were eager for a repeat of the last incident.

Keith grumbles a little but makes a show of giving Lance his hand, only to watch fascinated as his hand gets bandaged. Lance’s hands were so gentle, and he can’t help but reminded of all the times that Shiro had bandaged him up. It was bittersweet, and the memories make him want to cry, but he bites it back down. He didn’t want to get all upset just over Lance bandaging him up. There was no need for him to get upset at everything that reminded him of Shiro, just because he had a crush on the man.

“There you go, all bandaged.” Lance says as he slipped the last piece of the bandage into place around Keith’s wrist. Keith instinctively flexes his fingers to check how tight the bandage before taking the painkillers when Lance passed him them. “Now time for medicine and water, then you can get some sleep.”

“Thanks Lance.” He murmured before swallowing the pills down and sipping at the water. Yeah, he didn’t like the taste of the medicine, but he also didn’t want a hangover tomorrow morning. He didn’t want to have to deal with his social worker telling him what would happen while hung over. He already knew that that conversation wouldn’t end well and turning up to it with a hangover would guarantee that it would end in flames. And he definitely wanted to avoid making his social worker angrier that she had been on the phone to Iverson.

“Hey, it’s what friends are for Keith.” Lance smiles that sweet smile at him before he moved to their door and turned the lights off. Already preparing to get changed in the dark. He was a little concerned for Keith, but he had seen him bounce back from worse, so he wasn’t entirely too worried.

_At least Keith wasn’t puking this time after all._

Five minutes later, Lance was changed into his pyjamas and curled into the bunk across from Keith’s. Neither of them had spoken in that time but the brunet knew for a fact the other boy wasn’t asleep. Keith never went to sleep that quick, so chances where he was quietly stewing over something and that was definitely dangerous.

“You okay Keith?” Lance calls out as he rolls onto his side to look at the boy, watching him chew on his already chewed on fingernails. Keith shifts when he hears Lance and mirrors his position on the bed.

“Mmm… just thinking…” That causes the brunet to become a little bit more concerned. He knew that Keith had a habit of talking himself into downward spirals when left alone to stew for long enough, and that was something he definitely wanted to avoid. Namely because it usually ended up in Keith crying over something that was easily fixable, but him refusing help because he wanted to fix it himself. The quicker Lance could make him realise that his worries were unfounded, or easily solved, the better.

“You want to talk about it?” Lance feels like his question falls on deaf ears when Keith doesn’t answer immediately. At least until he notices that Keith seems to be thinking about how to word what was worrying him. Something that he didn’t do often. Normally Keith spoke first then thought later after the damage had been done.

“What if I tell Shiro and he rejects me?” Keith whispers before pulling the quilt closer to his chest. There’s clear hesitance in his voice, as though he didn’t want to know the answer to his question. Like he knew it would hurt him if Lance answered. “What do I do then?”

“Why do you think he would reject you?” He asks in a rebuttal, wanting Keith to work this out largely by himself. He needed to know how to talk himself down from his anxiety after tomorrow after all.

“Because he sees me as his kid brother?” Lance can hear the petulance in his voice, but he understands where Keith is coming from. His relationship with Shiro had seemed largely brotherly, but Lance didn’t know whether that was because of Shiro’s pre-existing relationship with Adam or because of the fact Shiro was a lot older than them both.

“That’s a possibility but you won’t know unless you tell him.” Keith can feel himself pout at Lance’s response and he shifts a little further under the quilt. He had known for a fact that that would be the answer; but it hadn’t been the answer he wanted. He had wanted to be told that everything would be okay, and that Shiro would definitely accept being told that he had a crush on him.

_But then again, if he hadn’t wanted honesty; he wouldn’t have come to Lance._

“And then what? What if still rejects me?”

“Then as hard as it might be, you move on. I know it’s a shitty feeling but stuff like that happens. Just remember that it’s not the end of the world if it does happen.” Lance knows that it’s probably not the reaction that Keith wanted, but it was the truth. He didn’t see the point in lying to Keith, especially when he knew that Keith came to him for advice when he wanted brutal honesty.

“I’ll bear that in mind.” He falls silent for a while again, fiddling with the loose duvet cover on his quilt as he processes Lance’s advice. He laces his fingers around the fabric over and over again, contemplating whether he can even ask for what he wanted. “Can… can you sleep in my bunk with me?” He finally stammers out, half-afraid of the brunet’s reaction.

“Of course, I can Keith.” Lance says with a soft smile before getting out of the slight warmth of his bunk. He moved over to the bed carefully and slipped in next to Keith, letting the smaller boy curl into him like Lance was a protective shield for him. “Night.” He murmured as he stroked Keith’s hair gently, hoping to reassure him.

“Night Lance.” Keith murmurs as he bunched his fists in Lance’s night shirt, allowing the physical contact for a change. After all, after tonight it wouldn’t matter if anyone caught them. Keith had already fucked up his life. He had fucked up his life the instant that he had decided to punch Iverson in the face and get kicked out. Let the other students talk about the fact that him and Lance were sharing the same bed. He wasn’t going to be there to hear the gossip and Lance could stand up for himself.

It would all work itself out eventually. Keith just wasn’t sure how.


End file.
